Hello, again.

Hello, everybody. Long time, no see. It's been three months since I wrote a post. Well, there is a post for April 2015, but most of that was already written. I'm rather surprised to see that I wrote a full post in March, complete with a link! However, March was the last time I wrote anything.
       
What does a writer do when she's too depressed to write? For me, the answer is practically nothing. I haven't written in a journal. I haven't bathed more than once a month. I haven't cleaned more than once in the last three months. All of my dishes are Dirty and, except for that one cleaning spell, I only wash what I need for a particular meal.

I could go on, but I think I'm already going into the "feeling sorry for myself" stage and that doesn't do either one of us any good.

Now, there were some good days. There were even three days in a row that I was in a good mood. These days were due to a friend who let me help her take care of her horses on the first day. I cleaned most of the next day and did a bit more on the third day! But, depression definitely ruled my emotions more often than not.

Some of you may want to know what has caused this "gloomy" three months, but I only know part of the answer:

1. I know part of it was physical ailments because I had several bouts of toothaches that finally ended when I had two teeth pulled on May 1st. I had Sinusitis, Bronchitis and, most recently an ear infection.
2. Part of my problem is financial. My husband and I owe a lot more than we earn.
3. I am out of one of my anti-depression medicines and the doctor I was using is no longer covered by my insurance. I thought I'd be all right because it was spring time. Now, I think I need to find another doctor to prescribe it.

Now, you know as much as I do. It probably doesn't help you to know this stuff, but maybe it helped me by sharing it.

All right, I guess that's enough about my problems. It did help to write this out, at least a little bit.

Does anyone have suggestions for what I can do about my current state? Do you know where I can find more help? Please e-mail me at  t.j.pinkston.2007@gmail.com  if you want to share anything.
      

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

          I used to think I was one of a rare breed that judged her Self much more harshly than others. What other people thought of me was 10,000 times more important than what I thought of my Self. I believed that the majority of the population were well-balanced individuals who had good Self- esteem and put themselves in the same category of decent human being as they put their friends, family and/or other people in. Some people were even supposed to be “Self-centered,” putting themselves ahead of everyone else.
          However, I came to the startling revelation that there are thousands of people like me. Individuals who put their Self and desires last while everyone else rates above them are much more common than I thought. Heck, this “rare breed” may actually be the most ordinary breed of all.             
          Let me tell you other people who put your Self on the “bottom rung” some ways I found to fight this feeling of inferiority.

Part One

          Be at least a little “Self-centered” and put your “Self” first -- or at least second. You may notice that I separate “Self” as a word. That’s because your “Self” is your Spirit or Soul. It is your center, your inner holy place, your church or temple. Unless you are some sort of crazed lunatic, you don’t go around tearing down other holy places. So, why do you tear down your own??       
          Consider your soul as the center of the universe. Just remember that everyone else has their own “center,” too. Treat your “Self” with the same respect and dignity that you give to any other person. Base your Self-worth on what you believe is right! When you slip up -- and everybody does -- give yourself another chance and then another and another. After all, nobody is perfect.

Part Two

        Treat yourself like a child. Unless you are a true perfectionist and think everyone around you has to be perfect, you probably treat a child with much more compassion, understanding and forgiveness than you do anyone else. For instance, instead of getting angry with yourself for spilling something, say, “Oh, that was just an accident.”
         When you’re tempted to berate yourself for not sticking to your diet or for not getting your house spotless or for not exercising for the prescribed amount of time, stop and think, “What would I say to a kid?” Your answer would probably be something along the line of “You tried.”

        Just how far you go into treating yourself like a child is up to you; but no spanking or face slapping, no name-calling, no sitting in the corner and no going to bed without your supper! After all, we want to be kind to our Self, not mean. I went out and bought a package of those little metallic stars and made charts to put them on. Why? Because my biggest kick as a young child was to see a star beside my name on the wall or if the teacher drew a star by my grade on a paper. You can even make some of the things you enjoyed doing as a child into rewards -- go to a park and swing, run through the sprinkler(s), color or draw, or do something else to make your inner child happy!

Part Three

        Don’t be stingy with your rewards! No punishments are allowed.   Believe me when I say "the carrot" works much better than "the stick." A few years ago, I was trying to lose a bunch of weight. I debated on whether to count my highest weight of all time or my highest weight registered on my chosen "weight loss" site. The first one would mean I had lost five pounds, but the second would only be three. I struggled with that for quite some time because I had already bought myself a prize! Finally, I decided, “Why not reward myself for every three pounds I lose?” After all, the mantras of this site are, “Slow and steady wins the race,” and “One pound or one inch at a time.”

        Therefore, my third suggestion is to reward yourself often. This doesn't have to cost any money at all. You can give yourself a star or a smiley face for every daily goal you meet. Even if you walked only five minutes instead of your intended 20, give yourself a reward because you were active for at least those five minutes! If you make an honest attempt to complete at least half of your goals for a day, reward yourself with 15 minutes of “alone time” or listening to music or another enjoyable activity. You can play a game, color a picture, take a bubble bath or find some other way to reward yourself.

        For your weight, don't be afraid to do something special for every single pound or every inch if you want to. Even if your scale went the wrong way or stayed in the same spot, ask yourself, “Did I do my exercise?” Or, “Did I record all of my food?” If you answer “Yes” to either question, give yourself a prize anyway!

        Of course, you can spend money if you have it. How much you spend is up to you, but don't go overboard. Chris Downie, author of The Spark, suggests saving a dollar for accomplishing your daily goals. If you are trying to lose weight, you might squirrel-away $1 for every pound you lose. What happens if you don't have that amount of money? Think of something else! You can always chose one of the free suggestions elsewhere in this series. Never let the lack of money stand in the way of rewarding your Self.

Step Three, Part Two -- BE ACTIVE!

    Now, let me set something straight. My last post does not mean  you have to exercise for thirty minutes or more every single day. The average person probably does 30 minutes, three days a week or ninety minutes per week and that is a good goal!
     However, you might need to start with a lot less. Try being active for fifteen minutes. Can't do 15? How about ten? Can't do ten minutes? Move for five minutes. Can't even do five minutes? How about two-and-a-half?
     That's right. Start with as little as 2-1/2 minutes per day and work your way up! I'm going to give you some goals and mini-steps to help you build up a regular habit. Attempt each one for at least a week (three or more sessions), preferably more, and try the next goal when you are comfortable doing the previous steps. Keep that up until you are active as a regular part of your ROUTINE!

Goal # 1
     Find your comfort zone!

     If you are able to walk or do other exercises on your own, start with something simple! Walking, doing arm curls or using a stationary bike are the first things that come to my mind. Whatever it is, do it only until you are tired and/or winded!
      Now, take a break. Sit down and rest for a few minutes. Just breathe.
     Don't feel like you did enough? Did you exercise for at least two-and-a-half minutes (see above)? I bet you did!
     When you are rested, ask yourself; Can I do more without hurting tonight or tomorrow? Be honest with yourself because if you hurt, you are much less likely to come back tomorrow or even the next day!
     If your answer is "Yes", repeat the first part and rest again! You can attempt to do a third session, but only if you are 110% sure you will NOT hurt from it!
     Now, go home and/or go inside and repeat it all tomorrow or, at the very least, the day after tomorrow. Once you can "do" this "comfort zone" activity three or more times per week, move on to the next goal.

Goal # 2:    
     Increase one thing at a time!

     I don't know about you, but my biggest mistake with exercise is trying to do more frequency, more time and/or work harder all at once. In other words, I'm a perfectionist which I'm sure many of you can relate to. But, I'm here to tell you, It won't work!
     I'm going to pull out one of many parents' favorite sayings and tell you, Do as I say and not as I do.
     Work on one thing and only one thing at a time.

     Mini-step A: I would start with frequency! Continue to stay in your comfort zone with your simple activity, s-l-o-w-l-y increase to five or six days per week. You can take one or two days off, but if you take two, try not to take them together. I might take Sunday and Thursday off one week and then Tuesday and Saturday off another week. It doesn't matter what time you go or how long you're active. Just concentrate on moving more often!
     Mini-step B: When you are comfortable with being active five or six days per week, you can start increasing the amount of time you are active in a given "session". If you usually walk for five minutes per day, do eight or ten. Doing ten or fifteen minutes? Go for the next "rung of the ladder." If walking or pushing your own wheelchair is your choice of exercise, you can park further from the store, pharmacy or therapy place so that you have to increase the time. Do this until you are comfortable with it! Do NOT, under any circumstances, exercise to the point of exhaustion!
     Mini-step C: "Working harder" means pick up the pace! Increase your speed, OR the weight you lift OR the number of "reps" you do. Again, do NOT attempt all three at once. Add one item at a time but see if you can get your heart to beat at the optimum level during each session. Be sure to ask someone what your heart beat should be before attempting this so-called "mini-step." It's time to move OUT of your comfort zone!

Goal # 3:
     Fuel your "engine."

     This probably belongs at # 2 or perhaps even # 1 and I will most likely move it at a later date. Before you do ANY exercise, be sure you have calories to burn! Your vehicle won't go anywhere without fuel and you can't do very much either.
     Eat something with protein (not sugar!) in it before you exercise! Don't eat too much or you'll feel bloated, but don't go out on an empty -- or nearly empty -- stomach either.
     In addition, take a snack with you. My favorites are pre-packaged cheese crackers or peanut butter crackers. Why do both? Because even in the "comfort zone" stage, you might get dizzy or a headache may start because your sugar is falling and/or you're "running on empty".

          

Step Three -- BE ACTIVE!

Step 3:  You MUST Exercise!

     OK, OK. Stop cursing, yelling, groaning or asking if I've lost my mind. Come on, please stop.

     I bet you've seen this bit of advice about 100 million times and you've asked one or more of the following questions:

ñ How can I exercise if I'm depressed and/or anxious?

ñ How can I exercise if I'm in pain or if walking causes pain?

ñ How can I exercise if I'm so fat I lose my breath after 5 or 10 minutes?

    Welcome to my world! I have asked ALL of those questions and moaned, groaned or even cried when someone suggested that one word – Exercise.

    It's July of 2011 as I'm writing this and if someone had told me even a year ago that I would feel better after I exercised, I would have thought they were crazy, demented and/or wanted to see me in more pain.

    But, it's true! I have been going to a local gym for a little over a month and I not only feel better after I go, but I can usually walk with less pain!

    On top of less pain in my right knee, I come away from exercise with less depression, less anxiety and more self-esteem!

Follow-Up Written on January 18, 2015

     Since 2011, I've realized that not everyone is capable of walking or working out on machines. If you are paralyzed or have another problem that keeps you from moving by yourself, I beg you to still go outside! Have a friend, relative, and/or rehab therapist take care of your muscles, preferably away from home. That way you can breathe in some fresh air and, if possible, soak up some sunshine! Spend at least fifteen minutes outside every day.  

     You might be surprised how much just going outside will make you feel better, especially if it’s sunny. Studies have shown that more sunshine = less suicidal thoughts!

      

Make Time for You

Here is a post from my Depression and Anxiety Help blog. It was written in September 2012 and will probably show up in some form when I write my book.


Everyone needs time for themselves. Your Self is your soul and it needs time to refresh and replenish. It's very hard to find time for yourself, but you can Make a time to be alone and/or do other things just for yourself. Here are some suggestions on how to do that:

• Organize your errands and grocery shopping to be done on one or two days per week;
• Only vacuum on one day per week and then only do the main "traffic" areas;
• Go to a park, library, book store or coffee shop and sit alone. You can write, read, eat, drink or just look around, but enjoy this time for your self;
• Wake up 15-60 minutes earlier than normal and spend that time doing something you enjoy;
• Write in a journal. Keep a record of what you've done right and try to think of three or more things to record.

I'm sure there are many more ways to make time for You and I may add more later. However, you are more than welcome to leave comments on how you prefer to set aside time for your Soul.