Monday, January 2, 2017

DEAR SON

Dear Son,

I know you are going through hell right now. You probably feel like this hell is your own fault or what you deserve but, I can assure you, neither assumption is true.

You probably won't believe this, but I experienced the same feelings in my past. "No, that isn't possible," you might say. "No one could live through this without at least thinking about committing suicide."

But, who says I didn't at least think about doing myself in? You can't and no one else can either. No one knows what was on my mind in those horrible, dark times. Heck, I can't even tell you for sure whether death thoughts went through my mind way back in 1990.

I must admit I was in a different situation, but I'm about 99% sure I felt the same despair!

"How was the situation different?" you may ask. For one thing, I was 30 years old -- roughly two years older than you are now. I was also the mother of a young child -- a 3-year-old son, to be precise. If I thought about suicide, I decided against it because of that child. That child was, of course, You!

I know you didn't ask for my advice and you may not even want it. But, I'm going to put it out there -- just in case.

I know you're not a religious person and you may not believe in God at all, but let me ask you this -- do you honestly think that Fate or Mother Nature or the Universe would allow you to come into this Life without having a pretty good reason? I mean, do you believe anybody or anything would create you and put you on the Earth just to be miserable?

Well, in Greek or Roman mythology, Fate might do that or worse; but I don't believe in Greek mythology and the Romans just modelled their beliefs along the same lines.

The point I'm trying to make is this: No matter if you DO anything with your life or not, you are still serving some purpose. Granted, it might not be anything more than providing carbon dioxide for plants for the time being, but there is a reason you are here. I refuse to believe that God or the Universe or Mother Nature sent you to me and your father just to be mean to you.

I know you lost a job. I know you lost other jobs before that. Like I told you, I lost ten jobs in ten years. Actually, I lost ten jobs within 6-1/2 years!! That's right, I lost ten jobs between October 1983 and March 1990. Now, subtract the four years that were devoted to two of those and you might understand my utter depression that finally made me file for disability benefits!

But, there are many other things I know about you. You are extremely smart; you have common sense; you are sensitive to the feelings of other adults; you have a good, caring heart; you can write better than most other people I know; and you are absolutely the BEST person (that I know of) at managing money!

Those qualities make up a very rare personality and were not given to you so that you could put yourself down, want to die, or to feel like you deserve to die.

If nothing else makes you feel better, think about the one job you quit  in order to take another job. Granted, the new job didn't work out but do you know how extremely rare it is for a person to be offered two jobs within the same month? I mean, two jobs within 30 days of each other is rare enough but you were offered two jobs within the same calendar month! There has to be a reason for that other than luck or fate.

Personally, I think you should take some time off from your job hunting. Take at least two months to get yourself some psychological help and hopefully take some medicine -- for six weeks or more -- so you can feel better about your Self. You are not useless or undeserving if you pause for a while, I promise. For that matter, you are worthy of love without working another single day in your entire life!!