Hello, again.

Hello, everybody. Long time, no see. It's been three months since I wrote a post. Well, there is a post for April 2015, but most of that was already written. I'm rather surprised to see that I wrote a full post in March, complete with a link! However, March was the last time I wrote anything.
       
What does a writer do when she's too depressed to write? For me, the answer is practically nothing. I haven't written in a journal. I haven't bathed more than once a month. I haven't cleaned more than once in the last three months. All of my dishes are Dirty and, except for that one cleaning spell, I only wash what I need for a particular meal.

I could go on, but I think I'm already going into the "feeling sorry for myself" stage and that doesn't do either one of us any good.

Now, there were some good days. There were even three days in a row that I was in a good mood. These days were due to a friend who let me help her take care of her horses on the first day. I cleaned most of the next day and did a bit more on the third day! But, depression definitely ruled my emotions more often than not.

Some of you may want to know what has caused this "gloomy" three months, but I only know part of the answer:

1. I know part of it was physical ailments because I had several bouts of toothaches that finally ended when I had two teeth pulled on May 1st. I had Sinusitis, Bronchitis and, most recently an ear infection.
2. Part of my problem is financial. My husband and I owe a lot more than we earn.
3. I am out of one of my anti-depression medicines and the doctor I was using is no longer covered by my insurance. I thought I'd be all right because it was spring time. Now, I think I need to find another doctor to prescribe it.

Now, you know as much as I do. It probably doesn't help you to know this stuff, but maybe it helped me by sharing it.

All right, I guess that's enough about my problems. It did help to write this out, at least a little bit.

Does anyone have suggestions for what I can do about my current state? Do you know where I can find more help? Please e-mail me at  t.j.pinkston.2007@gmail.com  if you want to share anything.
      

Step Five - USE YOUR HANDS

     It may sound ridiculous, but I believe working with your hands is extremely important! Please read the article and watch the video at http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-report/major-depression-resource-center/sanjay-gupta-using-your-hands-to-heal-your-head.aspx for more information.
     At one time, I loved to draw and do paint-by-number pictures and I'd color pictures, usually with coloring pencils. I was much happier then and now I'm beginning to realize why. The couple in the video above says that 60% of your brain is dedicated to your hands!
     Somewhere along the years, I became more interested in computers and, most recently, playing games on my cell phone. I still like to make house plans (on graph paper), but even that "artistic endeavor" tends to go into my Sims 3 game more often than not. Now, I want to make friends with the younger part of me and start doing some of my older hobbies.
     I'm not ever going to be famous for any of the things I can do with my hands, except hopefully writing, but why would I want to be a well-known artist when I am anxious around crowds?
     The thing is, our hands are unique. No other animal has hands like ours. A chimp or gorilla would be the closest, but I don't think you can teach either one of them how to knit or sew. We can learn to do amazing things with our hands!
     There are millions of things you can choose from -- knitting or crochet, gardening, sewing, woodworking, paint artistically, paint your walls, build a birdhouse or dollhouse, color a picture, draw, fix your car or something else around the house, just to name a few. I suggest trying several things! Find two, three or more things you like to do.
     Those of you with ADD or ADHD probably have trouble with "small motor skills"; but don't worry. Just don't reach for the scissors or the million piece jigsaw puzzle. Try planting a garden, painting a wall, building furniture, or think of something else you want to try. Even painting graffiti will work to some degree but I don't want you to be arrested. Ask around about places that allow "tagging" and/or ask people if they know anyone that might want a mural painted.
     Personally, I want to learn how to knit or crochet and/or how to make pottery. One is for small motor skills and the other, not so much. I also want to rent a garden spot and raise a vegetable garden -- this year -- for the first time in 40 (?) years! If I add one, two, or all of these to painting, drawing and/or coloring, these activities will greatly increase my happiness and most likely help me socialize with less fear or anxiety. I bet I'd have a lot less trouble with twisting my hair or other "nervous habits" as well!
     How about it? What do you want to do with your hands?

   

Step Two -- FIND A DOCTOR AND A THERAPIST

     "Find a doctor" is the first thing most books about ADD/ADHD, Anxiety or Depression tell you to do! I'm still arguing with myself over this, especially since I am NOT a professional of any kind. 
     Your journal, however, is going to provide you with the symptoms to give a doctor. Therefore, I feel decent about putting the journal first.

GOAL # 1:

     See your family doctor or an internal medicine doctor first!

     Tell him or her what's going on with you. If she/he doesn't volunteer to run a bunch of tests, ask for them. You might be surprised at the number of problems that have "depressive symptoms" or, in some cases, cause depression and/or anxiety.
   When the testing is done, your doctor should explain the results to you. If he/she doesn't find any physical problems, or there are some but you want/need further care, ask her/him to recommend a psychiatrist and/or a therapist. 

GOAL # 2:

     You need to see a licensed psychiatrist.
    
     What? What can you do if you can't afford to see a psychiatrist because your health plan doesn't pay for that type of treatment (or doesn't pay more than half)?
     If this is the situation you're in, find the regional center for "Behavioral Health" closest to you and call for an appointment. Most of these will base your fee on your income.  In many cases, you will go through an intake evaluation but that is just answering questions that all medical places are going to ask. Once that's done, you will receive an appointment to see a doctor or therapist and the bills should be based on your income.
     A lot of these places require that you see their doctor(s) and one of their therapists. You should have both, at least to start out. Ask the doctors what medicine(s) he/she recommend(s). Remind her/him of your financial situation if needed and be sure to ask if there are samples. Be sure to tell your therapist you want Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which teaches you to fight negative thoughts with positive ones!

    

INTRODUCTION - Part Two

INTRODUCTION Follow Up 

Written November 22-30, 2014

Walking away is exactly what I did in the Career Center situation.

I pushed my chair back, put my number back on the spindle, and walked out! At the time, the Unemployment Office and the Employment Office were together on the third floor and I took the elevator down to the first floor. On the first floor, I stopped briefly at the front desk and asked when the Employment Office would be less crowded. It wasn't quite running away, but it still took me a long while to realize this was the smartest thing for me to do at the time. If I remember correctly, unemployment reviews were only on one day (or maybe two days) per week and the other business days were wide open. 

So, the next time you feel like running away or fighting, think about your choices -- and there is always more than one choice -- pick one that won't scare you as much or create worse problems, and do it.

Panic attacks are caused by Anxiety. Anxiety is fear and it's real! It's your mind's reaction to things, people and/or situations that it doesn't know how to handle.

However, one of the worst things about Anxiety and Depression is another part of your brain is telling you to ignore the fear.  It's telling you that you're weak, that no one else feels this way, and/or that you have no other choice than to stick around and wait your turn.

In reality, the fact that you didn't run away at the first sign of danger means you are strong. In this huge world of ours, there are thousands upon thousands of people suffering from Social Anxiety in some degree. And, you do have another choice! At least go to the restroom and try to calm yourself enough to think straight. It's the smarter part of your brain telling you to fight or flee.

For better or worse, Anxiety is different for every single person and each reaction often depends on the particular situation. Maybe you feel cold instead of hot. Maybe you would freeze like a rabbit as soon as you saw the crowd. Maybe 50 people wouldn't scare you but 500 would.

I could give you at least a hundred other examples from my past without too much thought! Going to a store on a busy Sunday afternoon, being at a party or a bar, and just having a holiday dinner with my extended family can ignite the same Anxiety in my mind. And, I don't like to think about my few trips to a busy airport! I don't go shopping on Black Friday (or Thanksgiving). I don't go to parties or bars anymore, and you'll find me outside or with my back in a corner at family gatherings.

My husband calls my reaction feeling squirrely and that's an excellent comparison. Unless you go to a park where the squirrels are tame, they are going to run away. That's how they survive!

INTRODUCTION



Written on May 25, 2010
Updated on March 1, 2020



You're in the local career center and they have unemployment reviews today. You look around and see that most of the tables and chairs are already occupied. You find an empty chair but estimate there are fifty or more people already waiting. You may already know that crowds bother you, but if so, you think, I can handle this.

After you sit down, you feel hot. I guess the air conditioner can't handle the body heat, you think to yourself.

But a few minutes later, you start feeling jittery. The heat you feel increases. Maybe you're sweating or feeling flushed. Next, your heart is racing and/or you're having a hard time breathing. What is happening to me? you ask yourself. Soon, all you can think of is how to get out of there fast.

You are probably having a panic attack and it's scary! I experienced the above scene and still remember being anxious. I don't have anxiety as often as I used to, but I can tell you from experience that ignoring these impulses will only make matters worse.

In this blog (and future book), I will compare the symptoms of Anxiety, Depression and Attention Deficit Disorder to monsters or traps. Immediately after describing a problem -- and there are a multitude of problems -- I will attempt to give you ideas on how to fight, escape, or tame the situation.

What can you do when you can't run and don't have any weapons? Using the Unemployment Office scenario, you can run, or at least walk quickly out of the office. But, be sure to pause at the front desk and ask someone when the office is less crowded.